dashboard

Strong family roots have always played a very important role in my life.

As a child, I was always independent, not by choice but out of necessity.

My family ties were broken, and she isolated me from everyone at a very  young age, yet treated me as an equal.

She gripped me so close that the rest of the family insisted I was just a projected reflection of her and kept their distance. I lived this way for enough years that a family reconnect is improbable. Opinions and misjudgements have become who I am, in their mind, despite what is the truth. I often thought it was only my own perception of how I was perceived by them… Or at least hoped that it was. But too much time has lapsed and I know otherwise now.

So, I learned to long for a feeling of connection while also suffocating from alienation, a mindset that ultimately shapes and influences who I am today.

I walk through daily life on a tight rope, knowing that the only safety net available is the one I’ve weaved for myself, which isn’t very strong.  There is an illusion that I have family support but the reality is this is only a façade.  Truthfully, it’s just easier for others to believe and only those close to me know that if I fail, I’m screwed.  I can only hope the threads that hold my safety net together are enough to withstand everything that life throws at me but the constant teetering is exhausting.

After having a child of my own I am absolutely determined to ensure that he always feels a strong sense of family.

There is a security in that, which most people I’ve met, don’t realize and often take for granted.  I vowed that I would always let him be only exactly who he was… without judgement, without shame, and without disappointment-  An unconditional love that he (and everyone) deserves.

Parenting is a delicate balance between giving him guidance and independence. It’s understanding that he is not an extension of me and his hopes & dreams are independent of mine.  It’s instilling a sense of security in knowing i will always be there for him without squeezing him so tight he bursts.

Watching him grow into a confident, intelligent, responsible young man gives me a sense of pride in knowing I did one thing right, if nothing else.

It’s an incredible feeling to know he has a good heart and intention,  which will trump all that life throws at him.

It’s important to me that he knows how strong the safety net is that lies beneath him, so that he can focus on self fulfillment over survival.  I never want him to feel alienated or insecure. Most importantly, he will always have someone to lean on if he needs to take a step back in life in order to leap forward.